‘Not Going to Pretend I Love My Body All the Time’

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Remi Bader is sharing her mixed feelings about being a social media influencer.

In a personal essay for The Cut, the content creator and model discussed the frustration she feels after being dubbed the “face of body positivity” on TikTok, a title she never wanted. The 27-year-old is often vocal on social media about her weight and years of struggling with an eating disorder.

Bader — who boasts 2.2 million followers on the social media platform and is known for her realistic try-on hauls — explained that she did not feel accepted by the plus-size community for speaking her mind about her weight, despite using her platform to call out non-inclusive brands.

“Certain people in the plus-size community aren’t on my side because I will openly talk about being unhappy with my body,” she wrote. “When I say ‘I’m not the happiest right now,’ or ‘I don’t feel great,’ people will say: ‘Remi’s fatphobic.'”

“I’ve even been criticized for having too many skinny friends,” she added.

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Bader admitted that when she originally started on TikTok, she didn’t have a plan and didn’t think it would lead her to becoming a known influencer.

“And now I’m supposed to be the face of body positivity, or the face of the plus-size community, or whatever people want to say,” she continued.

“I’m considered too big to be midsize, but the plus-size community says I’m not big enough to have a say in things like size charts. I keep thinking, where do you want me to be and what do you want me to say? Because I really don’t know the right things to say anymore.”

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Courtesy REMI X REVOLVE

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The fashion influencer added that the constant pressure and criticism was quickly starting to impact her mental health.

“About a year into all of this I finally realized that I was getting into a darker place, that my binge-eating was starting to get worse. That I needed help,” she explained. “I was like, ‘I want to take a break from social media, but I can’t. I need to post every day.'”

“I’m supposed to be promoting self-love, but I’m just not going to pretend I love my body all the time, which is what I’m expected to do. I don’t like being called body-positive.”

Bader, who checked into a six-week outpatient treatment program for binge eating last year, said she’s doing better now after focusing more on posting TikTok content for herself and less on reading comments and analyzing what’s expected of her.

“I want to keep doing what I’m doing,” Bader wrote, noting that it’s helped her gain her confidence back.

If you or someone you know is battling an eating disorder, please contact the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) at 1-800-931-2237 or go to NationalEatingDisorders.org.